Rest in Peace. Or Not.

It is hard to believe it is May already.  The weather has been absolutely gorgeous.  It was as if Spring arrived overnight - the trees bloomed, the daffodils opened, the yard filled with violets, the grass turned green and grew 6 inches, etc.  I love the Spring, pollen storm notwithstanding. 

My neighbors had a tree taken down last week - a big gum tree that was taller than anything on our street.  We hated the dang thing b/c it was a mass producer of pricker balls and little else.  In 2011, during the Halloween ice storm, the tree lost a few big branches.  Either it was already dying or that storm severely damaged it, b/c the top of it essentially died off.  It lost some smaller branches during the 2012 Halloween ice storm and you could clearly see the dead spots.  As it turns out, had the tree fallen on it's own, the dead part would have crushed their house or gone through K's bed room and knocked that side of our house down.  The tree people came last Thursday and dismantled most of it.  They took the rest of it down on Friday.  It was entertaining, and a little scary, to watch them work and there were times when the entire street shook as large chunks of tree fell to the ground.  Everyone in the vicinity relocated cars, just in case.  The front of their house looks completely different now - it is so much more open and light.  It will change the shade situation for us a bit in the summer, but...the fact that we will no longer have to rake up thousands of pricker balls each year more than makes up for it.

My first furlough day was last Friday.  To celebrate my unpaid day off, I got up at 5am and spent the day scrubbing windows.  In about 8 hours, I managed to finish 10 windows, the window sills, and baseboards around the windows.  Not exactly fast work.  I was utterly exhausted and my back was so sore I could barely stand up.  Tomorrow's plan is to finish the windows, vacuum and wipe down the baseboards, and wash the doors.  Somehow trying to clean with the two dogs, a husband who doesn't mind dirt, and a child who is a pack rat seems to be a giant waste of time.  But still I persist in fighting this losing battle.

Saturday we went to my Aunt's memorial service.  The weather was absolutely perfect - a great day for a wedding, actually.  It was at her long-time church which was filled to overflowing - people were standing 10 deep in the narthex.  Because she was a musician, the Kutztown Community Choir was there to sing along with the church choir.  The music was lovely and powerful, even with the organist's apparent obsession with the "squeaky trumpet" pedal which he played on every 2nd verse.  I cried through many of the songs while I tried to sing.  I was honored to be able to read Psalm 23 as the 1st reading which her grand-children, my cousins-once-removed read the other two readings.  Her daughter in-law, friends, and both of my cousins shared thoughts which were moving and funny.  The pastor, who was her friend, gave a great sermon which really captured my Aunt's spirit.  It was a beautiful service but having it 2 weeks after her death was very much like ripping a scab off a painful cut.  I was sad and crying all over again.  After the service they had a luncheon at the Fleetwood Grange and we headed home.

I admit I was wiped out and ready for bed (see also, ripped off scab) by the time we got home, but we had friends coming over Saturday night so there was only so much sitting around I could do.  I thought briefly about canceling the plans, but in the end was SO glad they came over.  K had a wonderful time with the kids, we had a wonderful time with the grown-ups, and it was just what I needed.

Since then I have spent the week in an exhausted stupor.  In the last 4 nights, I have slept about 15 hours, most of that last night thanks to total exhaustion and an ambien.  My back, which has been temperamental over the years, has been unhappy lately.  I initially thought I had pulled a glute muscle and was telling people I had sprained my butt.  This was back in January.  Over the last 4 months, I eased up on the plyometrics, lowered the amount of weight I was squatting, and took a break from running.  Still the pain persisted.  I thought perhaps it was my hip, not my butt so I started icing my hip and stopped all twisting kinds of exercises that might have stretched the hip too much.  Still the pain persisted.  I tried going to the chiropractor which helped things a bit.  The pain was annoying but was mostly mild except when I was sitting for long stretches. The pain was only really awful when I was driving.  Until, that is, a couple of weeks ago when the pain began radiating into my foot, not only when I was driving, but much of the time. 

I finally went to the "real" doctor (or a "real" P.A., anyway) who said it sounded like the disc we thought had previously been herniated (L5-S1) was acting up again and the pain was actually nerve pain from the disc, not from a sprained butt.  She  ordered an x-ray (which I got today) and PT (which I start tomorrow) to be followed with an MRI (after we beg the insurance company for 2 months).  She also prescribed prednisone to shrink the swelling in the disc.  After my last experience with prednisone for my migraines (awful!), I should have said "no thanks."  My big mistake was taking it and believing the stuff she prescribed to help me sleep (Ultram) would work.

The 1st night I slept sporadically and lightly with some crazy nightmares that I couldn't wake from.  I woke up exhausted on Sunday.  Sunday night I was awake until 2am and then dosed off and on until it was time to get up.  I had taken an Ultram that night which did nothing except make me groggy, grumpy, and itchy on top of the anxious, hyper, and twitchy from the prednisone.  Monday night I thought I'd try the one last ativan I had left over from the last prednisone experience, but even that didn't make me sleep.  Tuesday I was basket case and even an ambien didn't help me fall asleep and Wednesday I probably should have been locked in a rubber room.  The ambien finally did its thing last night though and I slept for about 9 hours.  Of course today I feel drugged and sick to my stomach, both from all the "sleep aids" and from general exhaustion.  And my back still hurts.

Part of the problem with the predisone is that it not only ramps me up generally and gives me lots of energy, but it also makes my anxiety spike - I can't stop the racing thoughts and worrying, no matter what I do.  The bouncing off the walls combined with the anxiety had me climbing the walls.  My poor hubby who has had to put up with me all week (all 17 years?).  He deserves a medal of some sort, especially since today is his birthday.

Tuesday I was offered a temporary (2 month) promotion at work.  Wednesday I turned it down.  After about 10 minutes of thinking about it, I decided that the extra money I would get (about $500) did not make up for the extra commute time (8 hours) to go in every day, loss of sleep, and loss of time with B and K that I would have to deal with.  I decided that spending 2 months where my day looked like a variation of "commute, work, commute, unpack, repack, go to bed"  was a sacrifice I was unwilling to and didn't have to make.  I was fairly upset about it on Wednesday b/c the one person I thought would be supportive of my decision was not and basically implied that I was making a huge mistake and would be, essentially, blacklisted for the rest of my career. That person's response was very disappointing to say the least.  In my exhausted state I am a bit paranoid (let's face it, I'm a frigging mess at the moment)* - imagining all the horrible things that would be said about me or the consequences I might face for putting my family (and my health, let's be honest) over this "wonderful once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" really knocked me down.   I was in tears when I talked to my "work dad" who totally backed me up and made me feel so much more comfortable about my decision.  If someday, when K is grown and gone, the opportunity to manage presents itself I'll feel better about taking it.  Hopefully I will no longer be ashamed of the place I work by that point.

Today was K's "Colonial Day" at school.  We cobbled together a costume which cost very little but looks more appropriate for "Pioneer Day" than for a Pilgrim woman.  It made K very happy and that is what matters most!

Learn Something New Every Day

Don't they say that learning new things keeps your brain sharp?  I ought to be able to cure cancer with all the new things I learned in the last few days. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend a training clinic offered by the American Swim Coaches Association and USA Swimming. It was, of all places, at the Sands Casino in Bethlehem.  I didn't even know there was a casino in Bethlehem.  WHY is there a casino in Bethlehem?  It is literally, attached to the old Beth Steel plant so there are these hulking steel mill buildings and structures right next to this hulking hotel and casino. 

Friday night we had sessions on butterfly and turns.  Saturday was filled with backstroke, breaststroke, season planning, how to teach effectively, and some other things that I didn't stay for, and Sunday we finished with a total waste of 90 minutes directed towards head coaches by a guy who just really liked to hear himself talk and several good discussions on freestyle, starts, and nutrition which had to be rushed because of the talker who started the day.

Overall I thought it was an outstanding clinic and I learned a ton.  I hated having to choose between family time and staying - the other 3 coaches who attended the whole thing stayed over night both nights - and I missed some good sessions and some apparently raucous party time, but I could not bear the thought of being away the whole weekend.

This morning I learned that swimming the way we are supposed to teach our kids to swim is frigging hard!  I tried to adjust my catch on freestyle and I wore myself out.  I think that 35 years of swimming it one way is going to be hard to over come.  I worked on the timing of my breath a bit and that wasn't as tough to tweak.  We got some new drills which I have to try myself before stroke clinic starts, but I'll have to do that on a weekend with maybe one of the other coaches watching to make sure I get them right.

Sunday I learned from my Aunt Jeanne's obituary that she had lived and taught in Japan.  I had no idea.  I also learned that there is a white house tucked in behind two other houses about 1/2 block from my parents' house.  In almost 40 years of living in and visiting that neighborhood, I NEVER noticed it before.  B never noticed it either in our 17.5 years together (17 years...can that be right?  sh*t that's a long time).   I also never knew that the mother of one of my friends/fellow coaches was my Aunt's roommate in college. 

So yes...the obituary obviously means that my Aunt died.  She died Friday morning.  Her illness began at the beginning of March.  She was admitted to Reading Hospital the day before my dad got out following his surgery with c-diff.  Apparently she picked it up following treatment with antibiotic after a root-canal.  I saw her the Saturday and Sunday after she was admitted and by Sunday she had been moved to a regular room and was doing, it seemed, better.   I assumed, wrongly as it turns out, that she would be going home sometime that week.  Mom's surgery was that Friday.  Dad found out the next week that she was still there.  Then we lost track of her.  Dad couldn't get a hold of her and the Reading Hospital said she had been discharged.  On Easter I e-mailed my cousin in Michigan and asked where on earth she was...he responded that she had been moved on Holy Thursday to HUP.  We shared contact info and got on the "e-mail update list" from my other cousin's wife.  We were told not to visit - no visitors were allowed.  She took a bad turn late that week and after a minor family e-mail dust up, the ban was lifted and my parents got to see her Sunday.  Monday evening she was moved to the Topton Home where my Uncle is in nursing care to die.  B and K and I got to spend an hour with her on Tuesday, my parents saw her Wednesday morning and I spent about 90 minutes with her on Wednesday evening.  I couldn't get back in on Thursday but planned to go over Friday on my way to the coaching clinic. 

Friday morning I had been really, really anxious for no good reason.  I went over to the gym about 11:15am and did 5 miles on the elliptical.  As I was walking to the locker room, a gentleman stopped me and asked me, "do you ever slow down and just enjoy your life?"  He continued,  "You're always running in here, in a hurry, acting like "get out of my way!  I have things to do!'" I was speechless.   I stuttered that I enjoy many things and that I rush because I needed to get back to work.  Then I power walked to the locker room and burst into tears.  Is that how people see me?  As a person who doesn't enjoy life?  I cried through my shower.  Then I walked to the car and B called immediately to tell me that Aunt J. had died.  I cried in earnest then and cried off and on for the rest of the day - including when I drove by their old house on the way to Bethlehem. 

I'll come back and think about the gym comment at a later date.

I am SO glad that I got to spend time with Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Clair before she died.  She had played the organ at our wedding and when we were picking songs, she asked us if we (B and I) had a "hymn relationship,"  meaning hymns that were special or meaningful to us as a couple.  As we were essentially unchurched as a couple at that point I didn't really understand what she meant and let her pick the songs she thought would be best.  She said that maybe someday we would find our place in a church and I could let her know.  Tuesday I finally got to tell her that I understood and thank her for encouraging us.  I offered to bring my keyboard in and play for her and she said she would like that.  Wednesday I wasn't planning on going (after mom's oncologist appts) but I drove straight up anyway.  I felt like God was really putting something on my heart and I need to do it immediately.  I didn't have my keyboard but I had my ipod.  I visited with Uncle Clair and tried to get Aunt Jeanne to eat some ice cream (mint chocolate chip).  She had 3 bites and then all she wanted was ice water.  She had some other visitors but once they left I asked if she would like to hear one of those songs that means so much to me/us now.  She did, so I put one ear bud in her ear and one in mine and played Casting Crown's "Glorious Day" (live version here) and attempted to sing it to her.  I ended up basically crying through the entire thing while she listened/rested/slept.  The nurse came in to check on her and take dinner orders and I left shortly after that.  I told her how much I loved her and she said she loved me too.  I'm so grateful that I got to let her know and to play her that song.  And now she doesn't have to wait for Him to come again on that glorious day - she's already there.

Her memorial service is Saturday, 4/27 and supposedly they are going to have a memorial concert for her at some point.  I want my quartet (the Luce Screws) to sing the song if we are able/allowed.  I am not talented enough to do it solo, but we are a pretty decent group together.   Maybe by then I'll be able to get through it without crying.

The sagas continue

The medical, dog, and work sagas continue – in spite of a nice respite for Easter!  This morning we got our official “you are being furloughed” letters via e-mail.  Hello?  As if we didn’t know?  But I guess they have certain procedural steps they have to follow and certain appeal rights they have to provide (so they can ignore them).  I’ve picked 3 of my 4 days in “round 1” of the furloughs (April 21-June 15), and have my next 9 planned out for the summer.  I’m trying my best not to be stressed about it…it’s not like I’m alone in this, right?

After all of Pippi’s shenanigans last month we covered all of the non-garden area fence with chicken wire.  Very ghetto-chic, yes?  The garden areas are already protected by wire fencing so we figured that was safe.  As you’ll hear shortly, we were wrong.  We also got her a halti/gentle-leader collar to make walking her less stressful.  She doesn’t love it, but she walks very nicely with it on and is very easy for me to control.  She is so easy in fact that K can even walk her!  The halti and chicken wire definitely cut my anxiety down.   Of course this week both dogs figured out how to get into all of the garden areas.  Toby does it by jumping – OVER 4 foot high wire.  Did I mention he is 85-90 pounds? He’s very light on his feet for a big man.  We should sign him up for Dancing with the Stars.   Of course one of the garden areas is also on the edge of the deck and helpfully keeps the dogs from going under the deck.   Until our neighborhood rocket-scientist rabbit decided to build a nest under the deck that is.  I’m not sure how long it was there, but evidently long enough to give birth to 4 babies who were big enough to venture from the nest and draw the attention of the dogs.  Can you guess where I am going with this?  Pippi got under the deck and after them first and grabbed a bunny.  Toby got it away from her and was playing with it but B got it away from HIM and threw the now dead bunny (rest his soul) in the trash.  Ick.  While he (B) was trying to figure out where the bunny came from they got ANOTHER one.  This one Toby ate.  Whole.  Double ick.  Pippi managed to kill a THIRD bunny while B was chasing Toby around with the second one.   We thought that was it and B cleaned out the nest and checked for strays.   That was it until the next day when I looked out the window and saw Toby sitting on the porch next to…a dead baby bunny.  I tapped on the window trying to get his attention away from the baby bunny so I could grab it and dispose of it.  Only he decided to bring the baby bunny to the door with him, eating it on the way.  Whole.  Again.  Three chews and shallow.  I wanted to vomit.   We think this 4^th bunny was lying somewhere in the yard and B missed it the day before.  What would have possessed the mommy bunny to build a nest in OUR yard?  It does explain her frequent trips under our fence and back out which prompted the two earlier escapes though.  I hate rabbits.

Today while I was on the phone for work Pippi got out AGAIN.  This time via the unprotected fence in the dog-proof garden.  I heard her crazy barking followed by silence which is always a bad, bad sign.  Five minutes later I was off the phone and went out back to call the dogs.  Only there were no dogs.  Apparently Toby, unable to go through the fence with Pippi, jumped OVER the fence - the five foot high wooden fence -  and made his own escape with his sister.   When I realized they were both gone, I started to cry.  I drove around the block, asking my neighbors who were outside to keep an eye out for them.  Then I walked around calling them.  On the next street Toby about killed me running from wherever he had been hanging out.  I gathered him up and walked back around the block calling for Pippi.  My wonderful, thoughtful neighbor was driving around while I was walking and her husband and daughter were walking around.  By the time I got back around the block towards home they had captured her – she ran by after a bunny but was distracted by their cute, fuzzy, crazy puppy Maddie.  The daughter was holding her on her lap sitting on my porch.  Hateful dog.  I dragged them both inside and my neighbors went home. 

Because my nerves can’t take any more of this baloney, we have now gotten a metal chain with a two foot long stake driven into the ground in the back yard.  Toby won’t run away if he manages to get out so we didn’t bother with one for him.  But Pippi is now chained in our fenced, reinforced, fenced again, yard because there is NOTHING that will stop her from getting out after the bunnies. 

On to the medical saga front, my mom’s surgery went very well.  She was out in a couple of hours – groggy and in pain.  We got the good news at her follow-up last week that the margins were clear and the lymph nodes were clear.  So now we’re on to the oncologist to find out what the treatment plan is.  She still might need chemo in addition to the radiation and tamoxifen but we will find out on April 10.  Dad is doing great.  He is back to the gym this week and almost 100% healed.  Praise God that it went so well!  My Aunt was transferred to University of Pennsylvania – very sick and now on her 3^rd week of hospitalization.  Her oldest son and daughter-in-law won’t allow any of the riff-raff (us or her friends) to visit.   We didn’t even know what happened to her except that she had been discharged from Reading.  They didn’t feel it was necessary to tell her only sibling or his family where she was or how she was doing.  I had to e-mail my other cousin and ask where the heck she was.

We added a new emergency to the mix last week.  Monday night, about 11:30, the phone rang.  It is NEVER a good thing when the phone rings that late at night in our house.  We both woke up from a deep sleep – our talking caller ID told me that it was my mother-in-law calling from her cell-phone.  Crap.  My father-in-law was being airlifted to Geisinger Medical Center with an aneurysm in his brain.  Crap crap.  She didn’t really have any information other than that – he had a horrible headache, his neck hurt, and he was vomiting so she took him to the local ER.  We debated what to do – did we get K out of bed and drop her at my parents and head up there?  Did we wait until morning?  We spoke to mom-in-law again about 45 minutes later.  She still didn’t have any info, but she was not going until the morning (she doesn’t drive at night).  He was conscious, but they were sedating him.  B called off work for the next day and we tried to go to sleep.  Both of us laid there pretty much the rest of the night worrying.  Are they doing brain surgery?  Will he be permanently brain damaged or disabled?  Would he die?  It was terrifying.  In the morning I called off work and walked the dogs while B packed lunch.  We got K to school, arranged for after-school care (my still recovering mom and dad) for the dogs and kid, and headed up to Danville.  We found out that he was in intensive care, made our way there, and spent the day watching him sleep and quizzing the doctors and nurses about his head.  About 3pm he had an angiography of his brain and he was finally back to his room about 6pm.  We headed home after we talked to the neurosurgeon – they didn’t see an aneurysm, but there was a significant amount of blood in his brain which means blood vessels had been randomly popping.  The plan was to watch the blood, make sure he didn’t have a stroke because of the blood, get his blood pressure under control (225/??), get his blood sugar under control (he’s diabetic) and retest in a week.  

By Thursday he was able to sit in a recliner and they were letting him eat a little bit.  His head and neck pain was still significant and the blood pressure was still a problem.  We went back up Saturday to see him and he slept most of the time and was grumpy when he was awake.  By Monday they had him up and walking, but his head pain was too much.  Today B spent the day there again and he was MUCH improved.  They’d gotten his blood pressure medication balanced, his sugar was good, his headache was manageable without narcotics, and he was happy to eat pizza and a salad for lunch!  He is the only person in ICU eating by mouth!  As you might imagine, there were a lot of REALLY sick people there with him – a couple of very serious car accidents, some old people with unknown illnesses, etc.  I was so impressed with the level of care he received there – basically it is one nurse per person and they are in and out constantly.  We met two of his nurses so far – Kristy and Brad – and they were both fantastic, answering any questions, carrying on conversations, etc.   If the repeat angio goes well tomorrow and there is no new bleeding and no aneurysm, he will get moved from ICU and might get to come home on Saturday.  I can’t even imagine what the bill is going to be from his stay.  Did I mention that he has no medical insurance?  Holy cow. 

We found out that he was driving when the bleed started.  He lost his vision and use of his hands but managed to get the car to the side of the road.  He sat there for a while panicking and calling for help.  He couldn’t see or work his phone to call 911.  Of course no one came to help and eventually he could see enough to drive  the few blocks home (!).   Once there he pronounced that he was too sick to go to the emergency room (yes, you read that right).  Finally after two hours (TWO HOURS!) my mother-in-law convinced him to go and he went and sat THERE for another 90 minutes.  Yes.  90 minutes with a brain bleed and blood pressure so high he could have stroked out right then.  THEN they freak out and declared he has to be medivact to a bigger, better hospital that can do brain surgery.  It was too foggy to run the helicopter, so they drove him by ambulance instead.  Nice.   Scary, scary couple of days but it looks like he was VERY lucky and will make a complete recovery.

Into all this we threw Easter break and Easter.  And finally after all the stress of March, I ended up sick all weekend as well – just a cold and a couple of migraines, but still…it was only a matter of time.

Saturday was beautiful so we did our outside egg hunt with K rather than waiting for the rainy holiday.  Easter Sunday we went to church (7:30 and 9:00) and then came home and made scalloped potatoes, read the paper, and watched basketball.  I think I might have taken a nap at some point but I can’t remember!  In the afternoon we headed out to my parents and did an egg hunt there (in the rain!) and had a wonderful dinner.  We watched more basketball – including the horrific broken leg by a Louisville player – and headed home for the evening.  Thankfully I was off Monday and got to catch up on laundry and such.  It is hard to believe it is April already. 

March 29, 2013

Today I am grateful that I got to be out walking the dogs while the sky was just beginning to lighten.  That is my favorite time of the day. 

Okay, who am I kidding?  My favorite time of day is when I get into bed and lay down on my pillows with a book that I pretend to read until B take my glasses off, removes the book from whereever it has fallen, and turns out the light.  But my favorite AWAKE time of day is definitely before the sun comes up when there is just a hint of the new day dawning.

Aren't I poetic for 6:30 on a Saturday?

One more time with feeling - WHERE IS SPRING???

As I’m sure I mentioned once or twice over the years, I have the misfortune of working for the Federal government.  Consequently, March 1 brought [cue dramatic music] THE SEQUESTER.  It reminds me of the movie from the 70s THE BLOB!  I am almost too young to remember that movie – but I did see part of it when I was little and was terrified!  I’ll spare you my view on our esteemed Emperor or the Council he’s gathered around himself, but from the viewpoint of a civilian employee – it is all a game.  It doesn’t matter how many vets, or old people, or Federal employees are sacrificed as pawns.  The impact short term won’t be too bad – no travel, no training, 2.5 weeks of unpaid leave, etc.  Long term though – I fully expect layoffs and buy outs and a severe “do more with less” mentality.  I already have more work than I can do now and now no comp time plus furlough days to worry about.  But God is in control and I just have to trust Him in this and in all things.  Into this uncertainty Brian decided to accept two weeks of nights – to pick up a little extra money and to feel useful at work.  I don’t sleep well when he is not here and add to that the subconscious worry from [cue dramatic music] THE SEQUESTER…I was an overtired basket case. 

I blame the lack of sleep for what happened next.  One morning I didn’t properly latch Pippi’s leash and when we walked out the door, it fell off and she went prancing off tracking a bunny.  I tore around the neighborhood, shrieking like some kind of deranged banshee trying to catch her, terrified that she would be hit by a car (again).  I had to wake B up because I just couldn’t get her myself, but I cornered her before he made it past the front yard.  I was SO angry at her that when I got her back inside I took off my sneaker and threw it at her.  Then of course I felt bad because I had thrown my shoe at the dumb dog and hit her with it.  Ever since then I have been incredibly anxious while I’m walking her, afraid that she’ll slip the leash again or pull away from me while we are far from home and I’ll never get her back and she’ll get killed.  She did in fact manage to get out of the yard again one evening this week.  She was barking after something and then suddenly it was quiet.  Too quiet.  That always means trouble.  I knocked on the glass door, which usually makes them stick their heads up at least and there was no sign of either dog.  Uh oh.  Then I spotted Pippi in our neighbor’s yard.  I shouted for B and we both tossed on our sneakers and coats and ran outside.  We spent 30 minutes tearing around the neighborhood – me in shorts, b/c that is what I was wearing – trying to catch her.  Did I mention it was snowing to beat the band?  We haven’t gotten any snow all winter, but 2 days before the official start of Spring, it was snowing like crazy.  Pippi periodically took off after a rabbit she flushed from the bushes.  I was so upset with her.  K came out and couldn’t find us and got hysterical.  Finally B tackled her  (Pippi, not K) and dragged her home by the neck.  It turns out she had head butted a board loose trying to get the rabbit in my neighbor’s yard.  B had to go out in the snow and bolt the boards in and for the next 2 days Pippi was only allowed out on a leash or with supervision. K and I stayed inside and cried. 

Not only has she been horribly naughty, she has also been an expensive dog this week.  Last Friday K and I noticed that Pippi's eye was weepy.  It didn’t look bad, just watery, so K and I left for swim practice.  By the time B got home 44 minutes later, her eye was swollen shut.  Off to the vet they went…for an emergency appointment of course.  She had a scratch/puncture on her cornea…from heaven knows what (rough housing with Toby?).  Almost $300 later, they came home with pain medicine and ointment – and the cone of shame.  It is fine now – we took her back for a re-check yesterday and the eye is all healed already.  It’s amazing how quickly they heal.  B also had to buy a roll of chicken wire today and spent half the day and 5000 staples, in between taking K to the doctor (104 fever, swollen tonsils – strep negative but she is SICK!) putting the wire around the bottom of our wooden fence to prevent future escapes.

At least Toby has been a good boy lately!  He is very hard to be angry with even when he is beyond bad.  He knows how to open the freezer door and last week went and helped himself to ice whenever he wanted – plus butter, an ice pack, and a sleeve of English muffins.  Needless to say we now have a child lock on the freezer.   K’s district swim meet was last weekend and B had picked up a pack of little Gatorade bottles for us.  Toby found two of the almost empty bottles somewhere in the house and on two occasions chewed them open on our bed.  So twice in a week we ran the comforter through the wash before bed.  He is such a dope.  He loves walks but hates the gentle leader collar we use on him.  While we are walking he will periodically flop and rub his nose on the ground to try and get it off.  That is merely annoying but when he does it on pavement, he scrapes his poor dumb nose and it ends up bleeding all over the place. 

Spring is allegedly here, late March snow notwithstanding.  The sun is definitely brighter, the crocus are blooming and the daffodils and tulips are popping out of the ground.  Trees are starting to bud and the grass is starting to green up – except for the mud pit that passes for our backyard at the moment!  The other day B was walking Toby and he stopped to sniff a newly opened crocus.  Sniff, sniff, sniff – CHOMP!  He ate the whole thing in one bite.  Toby!  You can’t go about eating our neighbor’s flowers! 

I mentioned K’s District swimming meet.  She qualified in 5 individual events, but only got to swim 2 individual events and 2 relays.  She did okay, not great, but okay.  It was a flat end to a long season.  Oh well!  The kids I coach did pretty well - we had a bunch of State qualifiers and some good swims.  It was the first time I got to coach at a big meet and it was nerve wracking.  I was so nervous for all of them and I was only there for one of the five sessions!  I thought I was done coaching after that meet, but I got to sub last Friday for a big kid practice!  I think I prefer the little kids – the big kids require so much less “coaching” at practice – stroke correction, etc.  For the big kids you just write the practice on the board and keep track of what they’re on, what the interval is, etc.  It was fun, but I like my 6-11 year olds!

I mentioned the stress of the last few weeks - none of it my own, of course, just worry I borrow from the people i love.   Two Fridays ago my dad had a bowel resection.  It was planned and all, but it was still a big concern.  He is 71 years old and there was the risk that it would have to be a fully open surgery.  As it was, they were able to do it laproscopically, taking about 10 inches of colon out through two small incisions.  I picked my parents up and dropped them at the hospital about 11 and then brought the pug to our house to stay.  I was back at the hospital by 11:30 and then we just waited.  And waited.  And waited.  His surgeon had an emergency and the surgery ended up delayed almost 4 hours.  My mom and I went on an adventure about 2:30pm to find something to eat – getting very lost and confused.  They finally took him up to the OR about 4:30 and his status was switched from “pre-op” to “in surgery” about 5pm.  About 6:30 I went in search of some dinner and this time found a much simpler route to the cafeteria and didn’t get lost even once!  You wouldn’t think Berks County would have a hospital large enough to get lost in, but the Reading Hospital is quite large now!  Dad was out of surgery about 8pm and finally got to his room about 10:20pm.  I drove my mom home and was home about 11:15, wound up and overtired.  He did really well and got out of the hospital one Tuesday afternoon, a couple of days earlier than we had anticipated.  Of course that afternoon, while waiting for my dad to be sprung, my mom’s surgeon called and informed her that the breast biopsy she had done the day before my dad’s surgery was, in fact, cancer.  Perfect.  So mom is having surgery this Friday to remove the cancer and then once we get pathology back we’ll find out whether it will be radiation or chemo or more surgery or what.  The cancer is very early we think and so it should be fine once we get through the next couple of months.  It was just…shocking…and anxiety producing!

In the interim my aunt was admitted to the same hospital with a severe intestinal infection.  She was really quite sick for a while, but is getting better slowly.  I got to visit her twice  - complete with gloves and gowns and a good bit of paranoia.

So, Pippi injured with two escapes, K sick, B sick, Aunt sick, Dad surgery, mom surgery, and I haven't even mentioned the epic battle against evil my sister is facing in FL...none of it person stress, but all of it combined to pump enough cortisone into my blood stream to treat a football team full of should injuries.  Fun stuff.

Is it Spring yet? 2

Today I am grateful that I did not step in any of the 100 piles of dog poop waiting to be picked up in the back yard.  I think we may need to clean the yard? I am also grateful for the morning I spent with my good friends B and T on Saturday eating breakfast and talking about our lives, our faith, and our shared memories (well, things they remember that I've forgotten), and the quiet afternoon we spent yesterday watching Downton Abbey (love!) and cutting straws for the scale model of the Empire State building that K is constructing for math.

I will be glad for the end of this month – it has been slightly brighter out which gives the illusion of warmth and implies that Spring coming, but it has also been quite cold and there have been just as many gray, awful days as bright and sunny ones.  We have gotten a few itty-bitty snow storms this month but most of the precipitation, as it has been all winter, has been rain.  Yuck.  Just what we need, more cold rain.

Even though it isn’t yet Spring, it is Lent.  Two weeks ago on Ash Wednesday, rather than sit in a full mass at the Cathedral with 1,000 of my closest strangers, most of whom, I presume, are actually Catholic, I spent my lunch “hour” walking about 6 blocks to Starbucks…where I got not coffee but ashes.  Apparently they started this thing last year called “ashes to go” in which some local churches stand outside in various locations around the City, offering ashes to Christians who want them.  That morning they had ashes at Market East station and on the corner of 16^th and Market Street.  At lunch time they were outside the Starbucks at 19^th and Chestnut Street.  It took me about 10 minutes to walk up, 30 seconds to tell them my name and get ashes and a blessing, and 10 minutes to walk back.  I felt somewhat guilty about that efficiency, but I figure the ashes are no less significant when given on a street corner than in a church.

For Lent the last couple of years I have attempted to give up Facebook.  This year I am doing the same thing, although that is my secondary fast since I am sick of wasting my time on the brain-draining website.  So far not sitting there reading everyone’s updates has not been a real sacrifice.  I am only using it to keep in touch with a couple of people and to check the Eastern PA Weather Authority and don’t actually miss it. 

My main sacrifice is to read a collection of writings by classic Christian scholars like St. Augustine, Thomas Merton, St. John of the Cross, and C.S. Lewis.  It is slow going and I do not expect to finish the book’s 54 excerpted readings in the 47 days of lent that I have.  I think so far I have read 8.  I’m also trying to give up my current favorite snack food – Whales.  They are a lot like gold-fish crackers, but SOOO much yummier.  I am addicted to them.  I keep going into the cabinet to get a handful and have to physically stop myself and failed miserably a few times.  Luckily they are all gone now and I can just avoid buying more until Easter.  I love Whales! 

On Fat Tuesday my office went a little overboard.  One woman brought in a “Kings Cake” which is a bit like a giant sugary pastry.  It is pretty yummy.  For lunch we had a group pizza party.  I had something I was trying to get done (plus, I hate “group” meals at work, but don’t tell anyone that) so I grabbed what turned out to be a slice of seriously slimy, undercooked veggie pizza and some salad.  Sliminess aside, it worked out well b/c I had eaten my can of soup for breakfast and was hungry enough to eat just about anything.

Sticking with the work theme, last week we went through our massive “conversion” from outdated Lotus Notes to an almost outdated version of Outlook.  The entire agency was hyper about it and they even had people posted in the lobby the morning of the conversion to essentially chase us into the elevator to make sure we hadn’t missed the 652 messages (I'm not exaggerating) they had sent in the 3 months prior to the conversion.  Yes, thanks - not only can I read which is really handy in doing my job, but I am also smart enough to memorize the three very simple steps that had to be taken to make the conversion successful.  Please leave me alone now.  My conversion went just fine, but the entire system has tons of bugs and periodically stops working.  I’m sure in the end it will be just wonderful (rolling eyes).

Speaking of eyes, I am on take two of my new glasses.  After returning the first pair b/c of the visible “antiglare” coating which distorted my vision and made me sick to my stomach, three weeks later I finally have a pair that I can wear.  I got so used to the old glasses during this time period that it was hard to get used to the “correct” prescription again.  They are cheap frames but they look nice enough.  I guess. 

It was sort of funny when I went back to ask them to fix the lenses…I walked in, explained the issue, took them off my face (that part is important) and handed them to the lady behind the desk.  I also got out my old pair and put them on while she looked at the new ones..  She confirmed that they were coated in something that you could see and started entering the information into the computer to send them back to the lab.  A few moments of typing later, she muttered something about “little boy’s glasses” and then looked up at me and asked if my little boy had another pair to wear in the mean time.  Seriously?  Did you not just watch me take them off my own face and hand them to you?  I calmly said, “they are mine.”  She repeated the question, “Do you have another pair to wear?”  I pointed at the glasses that I was currently wearing, and said “do you mean other than the pair I am wearing right now?  No.”  She said it would be about a week and I left the store shaking my head.  The next day when I got home from work there was a message from Americas Best…asking how my new glasses were working out for me? 

Wow.

We are in the home stretch of swim season now – two more weeks of practice and then a month off for K and 6 weeks off for me.  We had our league championship meet two weeks ago and K swam really well.  She had 3 best times in her individual events, taking a 3^rd in 100 free, a 5^th in 50 fly, and a 7^th in 50 free.  Her relay got 4^th  overall I think.  We were really proud of her b/c it was a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG day in the facility with a very cold gym, a hot pool deck, and unpleasant people running the meet.  I had fun chatting with the other coaches and cheering for our kids though.   Now it is count-down to Districts for us.  K will be swimming 50 fly and 100 free and both relays.  She has a very, VERY outside chance of making states in fly and the free relay, but I am not expecting it at all.  In fact, I think it would shock me into heart failure and then annoy K b/c it would mean another 2 weeks of practice and no break.  She is looking forward to the break as am I!

We are currently trying to decide what to do about Pippi’s barking.  She barks.  Sometimes she barks a lot.  Too much.  Sometimes she barks so much I want to kill her or punch the wall.  Apparently it annoys one or more of my neighbors too since Saturday we got an anonymous letter in the mail with a copy of the local ordinance about dogs barking with the relevant parts highlighted.  Awesome.  Thanks.  I am 98% certain I know who sent it (no return address, coward) but there was the little pin prick of doubt that made me think it could have been anyone.  Perhaps NONE of my neighbors like us and our dogs?  Perhaps even the ones we are friends with are just pretending?  Then I spoke to my next door neighbor and discovered that they too had gotten the anonymous letter about their dogs (which do not bark even a tenth as much as Pippi on her bad days).  Strangely, that made me feel much better.  As much as I wanted to march right over to the woman’s house and confront her for being such an uptight coward, I decided to respond with grace and only respond when I could be grace-filled.  I haven’t hit that point yet.  We are discussing whether to spend the money and get a shock collar for Pippi.  The last two days we have been able to keep her pretty quiet, but I afraid that even those best efforts won’t be enough to appease the dog-hater three houses down.  Supposedly they don’t actually hurt and just distract the barking dog.  The collar will only work effectively if we follow it with positive reinforcement when she stops barking and is quiet.  Discussions are continuing and I guess we will need to decide before the weather gets nicer (Spring!) and she spends more time noticing the birds and bunnies that drive her batty.

Is it Spring yet?

Today I am grateful for the ability to work at home.  I was able to sleep until 6, walk the dogs, go to the gym, and work a little late while K was at piano.  I'm still really tired, but less so than yesterday.  Maybe?  I am also grateful for the books I have to read and listen to, my ipod, my new trailer-park smart phone, and my wonderful husband who puts up with me every day.  That one probably should have been the first thing I mentioned huh?  I have been absolutely awful to him the last few days, poor guy.

While we were walking the dogs, I was whining about how sore I am and B suggested, mildly, that maybe I cut back a little bit on the workouts for a while.  "Honey, I hate to say this, but you're not as young as you used to be.  It takes longer to recover."  Ouch.  In more ways than one. 

K got her report card last week and did very well - First Honors again and excellent grades in everything.  I'm so pleased and proud of her.  School was always relatively easy for me, and I take it for granted that it is equally easy for everyone.  It is, of course, NOT equally easy for everyone - God made us all differently with different gifts and talents.  Some people have learning difficulties, some people just aren't as smart, and some people just don't care.  But thankfully so far school is relatively easy for K.  She works hard on her homework, don't get me wrong, and some days she spend two hours doing work and studying, which I think is actually a lot for a 5th grader, but it is paying off.  She likes school, she loves learning, and she doesn't even mind her homework most nights.  We are very blessed in that regard (and in many others).

Since I wrote Monday we've made some good progress towards our financial goal of getting out of debt.  We started the process to refinance our mortgage to a 15 year, fixed rate.  It will shave 7+ years off our current mortgage and save us about $57,000 in the long term.  In the short term, it is only going to cost us about $35 a month more and won't change anything with our escrow or insurance.  I'm never a big fan of increasing our monthly expenses, but when I think about saving that much money (that's after factoring in the extra $35 a month) and locking in at such a low rate...we kept asking the BOA guy what the catch is.  We looked into refinancing a few years ago and the rates were high enough that it would have cost a coupe of hundred extra a month to go from a 30 year to a 15 year.  We would have like to shave 10 or 12 years off, but I'll be happy with 7.   It will take a few months to execute the process, assuming our application is accepted, etc.  The whole thing stresses me out a bit (hate all things debt and money related.  HATE.  Major anxiety producer) but it will be a good thing in the end.

I am sick of Winter.  I was sick of winter in November, honestly, but I am really sick of it now.  We have been very lucky with weather this year - only a few little storms so far.  It is just so gray and cold and blah and I just want to hibernate.  But soon it will be Spring and all the flowers will be blooming and the grass and trees will be greening up and it will be bright and lovely again.